As is stereotypical for this time of year, I've been doing some thinking. It started around Thanksgiving. We're not usually the sort to spend time on Thanksgiving discussing what we're thankful for, as we try to do that all the time, but this year was different. We ended up discussing how we're both thankful that I'm still around. Along with that, was gratitude I have that he found the lump. More gratitude to the medical team I've seen and continue to see, along with the friends that have helped along the way.
Right now, I'm cancer-free. Every night, I take a pill that acts to suppress estrogen. I'm not sure how long I will be taking it, I've heard up to 5 years, possibly longer. Each month I get a shot of another hormone suppressant and blood work gets done to check for tumor markers and it's been normal so far. I expect it to stay that way, too.
I've had some bad days along with the good. But, this year I've felt more festive than I have in a couple years. Maybe it's some side effect of surviving a deadly disease, I dunno. But I sent cards this year for the first time in forever - just a few, but still. I made sure that for my birthday we went out & did something fantastic, rather than my usual quiet, movies and dinner thing. (And we did, the Arizona Museum of Natural History in Mesa, AZ is awesome!!)
A few things come to mind recently that I did this year and am really happy about, one of which was reading at Amarise's wedding - which I agreed to do with enthusiasm & it was only on the morning of that it dawned on me that I'd agreed to public speaking. Not something I'd normally consider. But it went so well and I remain honored to have been a small part of such a gorgeous & touching ceremony.
I did a cosplay this year that I've wanted to do for a long time, but was always too shy to do it - Death from Neil Gaiman's Sandman series. Then I took that outfit & gave it a twist a couple weeks later at a con to great reactions. I still have a lot of work to do as far as eye make up, but I'm very pleased with it so far. (And shout out to the people who helped me with eyeliner! Woot!)
The group of friends I do panels with for Phoenix con each year has gained a smidge of notoriety in local geek circles and was invited to two other conventions this year, and another local one in 2019.
There's other parts of my recovery journey - god that sounds so cliche - that I mean to post. Two drafts are started. I was trying to be chronological, but it's just not working out and some stuff still feels too raw to write about. I've changed this year, at least, I feel like have. I have even less patience for bullshit and/or drama than I used to. I've begun to look critically at things to determine if they still bring me a sense of happiness or joy and have ended up cutting out a few things as a result. Those cuts were painful, but necessary, and I am happier for them. Which was the point all along.
The new year will bring new challenges as I enter what I call the maintenance phase. I also want to begin talks with a surgeon to make my chest totally flat. Come what may, I feel I've weathered the scariest part so far and have faith I'll make it through what comes next.
I hope that everyone reading this has a good holiday season, that you get to spend time with people who care about you, and that you get to have some tasty food. Merry Christmas & happy holidays to you.
