It's inevitable, I suppose. I'm a certain age and in a stable relationship. At least twice a year, someone asks the question "do you have kids?" in some form or another or I get told I'd make a good mom. About a year ago, something happened that was a little bit weirder. A co-worker asked me the usual question. After two follow ups - "do you plan on it?" and "not now or not ever?" - she expressed shock at my answer and went on to say "Not even one? Tanya...c'mon..." in a joking, slightly wheedling tone. I'm sorry? What? It's like I just said I didn't want to join her club...which I suppose I did. I don't want to join the Mom Club. It's worth mentioning that she then launched into how difficult it is to coordinate her work schedule with her son's school schedule, and ended with a tight smile and "but it's really worth it." Um...yeah. If you're trying to get someone to join up, maybe a speech about scheduling conflicts really isn't what you want to use to sell it?
Many women dream of being a mom, from the time they're little and playing with dolls. My sister was one of those people, so I hear. Not me. I've never wanted kids. (Except for a brief period between the ages of 17-19. Young, stupid, there was a boy involved.) I don't have the "Squee! Toddler!" button. You know - the function that causes otherwise reasonable women to devolve into squealing, cooing creatures when they see a baby or small child. (Seriously, I can tell, even with headphones in, when someone has brought a baby/small child into the office. Oy, the frequency!) I have been known to have that reaction to cute, fuzzy animals, but that's not the point. It's not that I hate kids, that's not it at all. I think they're very nice when well-behaved and in fact, they get more interesting as they get older.
As to "you'd make a really good mom..." *sigh* The most ridiculous incident of this was when someone who'd only known me about 6-8 months said this to me. I was like, wow, you barely know anything about me. She appeared to be basing this assessment on me giving a shit about other humans & being compassionate. (I no longer speak with this individual unless out of occupational necessity. She's batshit crazy & I have to work with her. It's interesting sometimes.)
Just because I don't want to have children is no reason to look at me like I'm crazy. It's also not a reason to think that I'm covering for being infertile (which some people probably seem to believe because they're assholes and refuse to accept that it can be an actual choice not to procreate). We no longer get harassed by family. My side is understanding, my sister even hitting one of the reasons immediately when discussing the topic. His side stopped asking...or mentioning it...especially after my brother-in-law & fiancee had a kid.
We have our cats and our dog. They are our children. If someone doesn't like that or thinks our lives can't possibly fulfilled because we haven't decided to bring another life onto this already overloaded planet, well, fuck 'em. I'm perfectly happy with our furry children and, frankly, sometimes I can barely manage them. The really great thing about pets vs kids? You can leave pets home alone while you go to the movies, shopping, whatever and nobody says you're a terrible parent. For a really wonderful illustration of pets vs. kids, The Oatmeal. Hilarious! (I wanted to provide the link for said comic, but couldn't find a direct link. Go look at his book, "How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You" and turn to the next to the last page. It's in there for sure.)
Essentially, what a woman does with her uterus is her business. Just because I have one, doesn't mean I want to use it, so leave me alone.
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